Monday 30 November 2015

The smell of taste of roses locked in the scream of softly whispering sunset - or how to write descriptions

Descriptions are the most omitted parts of any writing. No one cares how the fields look like on that one morning in July, when the sun's coming up. Or how the grass is green. If we want to see colours, we tend to look at the photographs or paintings. From the written word we require action, except perhaps poetry... But with poetry I have always had a love-hate relationship, to which I do not admit much. 


Sunday 29 November 2015

Why every book is really a love story

Every book, to some extent, is a love story. It really is. Even the gruesome novels of Graham Masterton are. I couldn't get through any of his works, except "The Ritual", where a man cuts off his finger and eats it. They repelled me; "50 shades of Gray" is nothing comparing to Masterton's awful kinkiness. But even the perverted horror writer couldn't escape it. Why? Because the affection we have for other human beings is the ever-present theme in our lives, whether we like it or not. 




Thursday 26 November 2015

Sylvester Stallone selling bread or why it is so hard to promote a book

Promoting anything is hard work. To market food is excruciatingly painful, and that is something we all need; we'd die without it. And yet, to advertise bread, Warburtons at one point employed Sylvester Stallone. If you need Rocky to sell people one of the staple foods, what on earth do you need to do to promote something as useless as a book?! 
Sylvester Stallone advertising bread

Monday 23 November 2015

How a writer can get you to bed

What makes writing good? Well... I tend to say that I am a terrible writer with a good story, so it writes itself and I then have to go back, and correct my own mistakes. So what do I know? But I am certain that it's not enough to have a story and patience to write it all down, even though these are hard. You must keep your readers alert. Interested. Biting their nails. Laughing. Crying. And so on. 
A woman reading in bed; painting by Fabian Perez

Sunday 22 November 2015

Improving Hell - a short story

The period between October 2006 and October 2010 was very busy for me. I was studying journalism and then linguistics in Southampton, UK (the starting point of Titanic's only journey), and working at a busy Estates & Facilities Office at uni, doing all sorts of arduous admin tasks. Between my assignments, articles on hybrid cars and work, I barely had time for anything else. I had no support from family, no one familiar around and plenty of bills to pay. Any fun writing had to go and hide deep under the carpet. 



QWERTY: THE HISTORY - The beginning of 11-volume story

As the machine boss from the third "Matrix" said: "It is done". I wrote it. The Grand Synopsis-like thingy. I have no faintest idea how to do this stuff. But whatever it is, it is ready. And I sent off my first submission, too. Whatever the outcome, it presents a certain opportunity, this: I get to give you some serious spoilers about Qwerty. 

Qwerty Seymore; all pictures by GINO


Friday 20 November 2015

A school essay - the best recommendation for a book

What is the best recommendation for a book? What makes you buy or borrow it? A review? Number one on the best-seller list in New York Times? A colourful cover? Whatever works for you, I think there is no better prize for any author than the recommendation of an 11-year-old. 





Synopsis - one page that makes you want to smack people

Synopsis. Even the word itself sounds like a disease. I'm sorry, Mr Jones, I don't know how to tell you this, but you have a synopsis. You shouldn't have been writing ten pages a day for the last twenty years... Are you sure, doctor? Oh my gods, what am I going to tell my wife and kids?! 




Tuesday 17 November 2015

Qwerty meets Ange - the extract from the novel "Qwerty: The History"

Strolling like this, with his nose aimed at the ground and his hands deep in his pockets, he did not pay attention to the road, and all of a sudden he walked into someone. Well, to be more precise, it was the other way round: that someone hit him with such impact that Qwerty barely kept his balance. Without looking up, he mumbled “Sorry” and carried on. But somebody’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

Ange & Qwerty Pictures by GINO

Writing and self-confidence must go together

As everything, writing requires self-confidence. You feel great while doing it, but then comes the hardest part: selling it. To yourself. To your readers. And to a publisher. This takes some guts, and if you write, I am sure you know it. It's like being on that first audition on X-Factor, standing in front of the judges. No matter how good you are, you must gather all your wit and compose yourself in order to get the best tune out of your throat. But authors have it worse. When you sing, the worst that can happen is five minutes of humiliation. The written words may just stay with you forever. 



Monday 16 November 2015

Little Bee - Chapter 1: Bea's dad gets the prize (extract from the novel: "Little Bee")

Bea opened her eyes and immediately felt that something special was going to happen. She could hear her mum preparing breakfast in the kitchen and her dad humming happily in the hall. She got up, stretched her wings and opened the bedroom door. The house looked as usual, but she knew something had changed. She walked into the kitchen and looked around. Her mum was making toast with honey and honey tea.




‘Hi, Bea’ said her mum, not even turning around. ‘Did you sleep well, darling?’
‘Yes, I did,’ answered Bea, collapsing at the table. ‘But is anything different today?’ She asked as her dad came into the kitchen. His face was beaming and he seemed happier than ever.
‘Yes, Bea, I think it is,’ said her mum and put the plates with toasts on the table. ‘Roger, tell our daughter what is different today.’
She smiled and reached for the kettle.
‘Hi Bea, did you sleep well?’ Asked Bea’s dad, grabbing a plate.
‘I did, but what happened?’ Bea was asking impatiently.
            Her dad smiled, too, and said:
‘You see, Bea, I have been working in the factory for a long time, even longer than your mum, so I have been given a prize for my good work.’
‘So this means that you’re the best worker in the factory, right?’ Bea asked, feeling proud of her dad.
‘No, Bea, I wouldn’t say that.’ He sat at the table and took a sip of his tea. ‘Everyone works really hard and, to be honest, this prize should be for everyone. The reason why I got it is because I have been there for longer than others.’
‘Don’t listen to your dad, Bea,’ said her mum, still smiling. ‘He’s just too modest. He really deserves a praise for his achievements. He saved the entire factory from being destroyed once and he’s been an excellent worker.’
Bea’s dad blushed and she would normally laugh at him a little, but this time she just looked at him, amazed.
‘Really? You saved the factory from being destroyed?’
‘Well… I wouldn’t have done it without the others…’ He shrugged his shoulders as if saving the factory wasn’t anything special.
‘But others wouldn’t have done it without you,’ Bea’s mum interrupted him. ‘Ok, enough of that. You two eat your breakfast and then you can go on the field if you want, Bea. We’ll meet you there. Oh, and the ceremony is tonight, ok? Don’t forget.’
‘What ceremony?’ Bea looked up at her mum from over her toast, honey dripping down her chin.
‘Your dad’s ceremony, you silly,’ said mum, still smiling. ‘He will receive his prize tonight,’ Bea’s mum rushed towards her, trying to remove the honey from Bea’s face. Bea backed away and wiped her chin. ‘It is going to be a very special evening…’ She added and cleaned Bea’s face with a tea towel.
            Bea smiled, too. None of them knew that the evening was going to be special for a completely different reason than the ceremony.


If for any weird reason you are interested in a story about a bee meeting an alien, it's available on Amazon.

Sunday 15 November 2015

A funny book about cats for charity, anyone?

I have told you already how I got my kitty, Huck, who then became an inspiration for "It's a cat life". Now, perhaps, it is time to tell the story of how I lost him. It was to be a long-term relationship, but too soon a moment came when my black mischief went to a different home. It was a hard choice, but right one, I believe. His diary, however, was finished to serve a higher purpose, raising money and awareness for animals everywhere.



Shortly after adopting Huck, my husband and I also brought home another black kitty, who we named Ben. Initially they fought each other, but within days became good friends, almost inseparable. We took good care of them; both cats received all necessary vaccines, we cured Ben of disease (he was ill when we picked him up), and paid all vet's bills. We fed them well; their fur was shiny... Each cat was different, but they were growing to be beautiful, well-groomed pets.

Huck and Ben

Huck and his friend, who figures as "The Other Cat" in his diary, watching "Gangnam Style" together

However, three months later our circumstances changed - my illness and lower salary playing the main part here. My husband and I did the maths and it turned out there was no budget for cat expenses. And I am a firm believer that each pet deserves a proper care... which I was unable to provide at the time.

HUCK
After a long discussion, some soul-searching and a lot of frowning, we decided to find them a new home - one where they could stay together. We were picky. Finally, a lady with her little son arrived and took both kitties. She already owned a rabbit, so I thought it would be a nice, fluffy trio with the whole garden to play in.

Huck and rabbit, in his new home

Of course, I did not like it. I wanted to keep my cats. Given the circumstances, however, I still believe it was the right decision.

As much as sad this was, I am left with "It's a cat life" - a tribute to Huck. And since finishing the book went hand in hand with me giving away my purring companions, I decided I'd like this book to serve a charitable purpose. I'd like to give it to any animal-helping organisation that wishes to take it, along with any royalties I would've earned, so the entire profits from its sale could go towards animal welfare.


I think there is no better item than a book on your shelf to remind of a good deed. Therefore, should you be interested or know anyone who is, please contact me HERE. It may not be a conventional offer, but if it can help - great.

"It's a cat life" is currently available on Amazon (UK HERE / US HERE) - here you can find out more about the book and read the reviews. I originally published it under the pen-name of "Monica Shostek".

Huck the Cat's Diary - inspiration (Huck is real)

Are you a cat person? Do cats scratch their way straight to your heart by doing all the cute and silly stuff cats normally do? Do you enjoy watching them watching you? If so, read on. People who rent their houses to cats will totally get the story I'm about to tell. 



It was the end of 2012 - cold, wet, English winter. I found that kitty on the Internet - black, with a funny look about him. I decided I wanted him and the next day Huckleberry came to our house, to his own, fluffy pillow.

Huck on his pillow - see of you can spot him...
I had some time to watch him carefully - his love for rolling pencils and cardboard boxes became obvious straight away. And so did his character. Huck was an adventurous kitty, curious like... well, like a cat, and very opinionated. If he didn't want to be held, he wouldn't be held. Period.

Huckleberry
Huck waking up from his little nap
Observing all his hilariousness, including his reaction to himself in the mirror (ready to attack the nasty intruder...), an idea started growing in my useless brain...

Around that time I also noticed a meme circling around the Internet. It consisted of two sections (some of you may remember it): one was about a dog, with everything being his favourite things. The second was cat's - plotting to get out of prison and dominate the humans. A version of it can be seen below:


Add two and two and there you have it: a cat's diary was created; a diary highly entertaining for cat owners and perhaps a bit funny for dog people.

I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you'll have just as much fun reading it. But I feel I must issue a warning: please, be careful; the book may prove offensive to mice...


Huck's diary, also called "It's a cat life" is now available on Amazon (UK HERE / US HERE). I originally published it under the pen-name of "Monica Shostek".

Cattitude? Sure, I have it! 

Saturday 14 November 2015

Qwerty at school: my first official meeting with kids

Last week I got invited to give a short talk at a primary school. It was the first time I received an invite like that, being recognised as an author. I was asked to speak about reading and writing, encouraging kids to do both. As I can talk about the above until you run away screaming, I agreed without hesitation (luckily, they limited me to 30-40 minutes, so there was no running and no screaming, and also no hair pulling). 

Title page of my presentation
I prepared some slides and got a lift to the educational institution. I don't work with children (even though I write a lot for them, surprisingly, having abandoned the horror genre), so I had no idea what kind of reaction I would get. I half-expected to be booed off the stage...

That, however, didn't happen. I ordered a short game called "What if" - it consists of writing a question on a piece of paper and then hiding it, swapping papers with your neighbour. Then one person writes his or her answer under the other's question. Here's an example:

Let's say one person poses the question: 

"What if elephants could fly?"

and the other: 

"What if there was no school?" 

After swapping papers the questions and answers look like this: 

"What if elephants could fly?"
"I wouldn't have to learn anything!"

"What if there was no school?" 
"We could see elephants above our heads." 


After that exercise and several minutes of laughter, I told the children (ages 11-13, by the way), that everything they'd just read, no matter how silly or improbable, is possible in books. And then we hit it off.


They told me why reading is good for them, but I told them why writing is cool. I introduced them to Qwerty Seymore and the gang, and said they're like my good friends, and this is the reason why I love writing about them. And I asked everyone if they had their own idea for a story. Unexpectedly, perhaps, they did. One boy said he'd write about a warrior from 1960s. I'm looking forward to that one...

I finished along with the school bell ringing loudly and... I was surrounded by a thick wall of students, asking me to give them... autographs. Now, that I was not prepared for. Me? Autographs? What a funny idea! But then I had no other choice, after being presented with a flower and a commemorative brochure on the school's history, dedicated to me. All routes of escape were cut off, I was cornered, and my way out could only be teleporting. And that, unfortunately, I haven't yet mastered, contrary to my main character.

Surrounded...
So I signed whatever pieces of paper I was given, asking each pupil the name, and hoping I was spelling them correctly...

It was certainly an experience. But the best news is that the kids seemed to believe me that reading and writing books is almost as cool as PlayStation. They said they'd give it all a go. And if at least few of them reach for a new novel or write their own tales, my job is done.

Friday 13 November 2015

A bee meets an alien - the story I wrote and never spoke of again

Some years ago I wrote a book about a little bee, named Beatrice, who lived in a great oak with her parents. The night her father receives a very important award for his professional achievements (in the field), a disaster strikes: fiery pieces fall from the sky and something big and scary crashes into the nearby lake. And Bea finds a piece of something shiny right on her bedroom floor...


The plot then goes on to tell how a little bee meets an alien creature and becomes friends with him, helping him go home.

I wrote this most ridiculous story of my life a few years ago. It was so silly... and yet I enjoyed it. I like Bea, her parents, nasty fly she used to be friends with and even Mr Hedgehog - a typical old grump every child must explain their actions to. And yet I never even spoke of it, at least not a lot. I started a Facebook page and forgot all about it.

Until someone bought it. Somebody actually dag it up on Amazon and bought a copy, despite its terrible cover. And then I remembered: hey, I wrote this. It went on somebody's bookshelf (unless they recycle it after reading first three pages, which is always an option...)

Where did such bizarre tale come from?, I then asked myself. And I still have no answer to this question. I like bees (we're royally screwed without them, I'm afraid) and I like the topic of aliens (I do not believe they are real, I am convinced they are real; also, technically we're them, too...) I combined the two and a children's story emerged. And all that coming from a person who used to write bloody horrors...

So I thought I'll introduce you to Beatrice, as I already have introduced you to Qwerty Seymore and Huck the Cat. You see, I love my little characters, every single one. They're so imperfect, so dopey at times, and not always doing the right thing... But they're lovable (to me, at least), even if they're nothing more than a small, flying mischief...


If for any weird reason you are interested in a story about a bee meeting an alien, it's available on Amazon.

My readers are angry with me

The download statistics tell me that at least 200 people so far have read my books. This doesn't quite make Qwerty series a bestseller, especially that people can get my writing for free (although watch this space, you never know; I'm terribly persistent...), but such result I have never dreamed of. It's quite a crowd when you want to fit a couple of hundred people into your living room, unless you live in a chateau. Unfortunately, most of them are angry with me. 


I am repeatedly told two things: a) that my books have spelling mistakes (although those I've been eliminating with a fairly good result, even though it's been a process; those of you who have read this blog before may know how I love proofreading - see HERE); b) that I leave them hanging at the end of the book. "It just ended," I hear. "I'd like to read the next part," they then add.

You see, none of my books lead to some strange climax, like Voldemort striking always at the end of the academic year (perhaps he feels particularly murderous in the late spring). Qwerty's story is about a teenager's life, with extraordinary events thrown in, which may not seem that extraordinary at first. Some matter more, others - much less. Such is life, ladies and gentlemen, you never know what the consequences can be. One thing you do know, however, is that there will be some and sometimes a butterfly wing can cause a hurricane. Action-reaction. Always. But you need to wait for the events to play out.

Spring has arrived. Time to attempt Harry's murder.
For that reason, my readers tell me - between the lines - that I am annoying and my novels have no proper closure. But then they want to know what's next. It stays with them. They remember the unfinished, they wonder about it, and that is exactly how I want you: wondering. I know very well how irritating it can be - like when your favourite series ends with a big X and you have to wait another six months for them to release the next one. But you actually WAIT.

So apologies for getting on your nerves. *wink, wink*


Remember the name; it's on your keyboard

People have asked me about my character's name. Why Qwerty? Why not Alan? Or Adam? Or Eddie? I could've named him something decent and spared  uncle Donald's nerves (Donald Gibble hates the name). But no. I had to go and invent something ridiculous. It was all for a reason, though. 



To discover the genesis of this strange name, we need to go back in time to the year - oh, I don't know... Was it 2003? 2004? It was an early afternoon and I was not more than 20 years old. I was in the process of sitting at the desk, which was holding an old PC. I probably planned to play another round of Solitaire...


And then it happened. As I was about to lower my backside on an ergonomic chair, I took a quick glance at the black keyboard and noticed the string of letters: Q W E R T Y. It could be a name, I thought. For a boy. Why hasn't anyone thought of that already?

So I slumped on that soft chair and, instead of playing cards, I started MS Word. Suddenly the opening scene, the one with Qwerty sitting in the garden, explicitly ignoring working bees, having barely avoided aunt Adela's saucepan landing on his head, entered my mind. And there he was: Qwerty Seymore, with his dark hair, brown eyes and in a bit of a pickle...


I had a little problem with the surname, too. At first Qwerty was called Seymour. Nothing unusual there, really. But I like word plays too much to just make things normal. So when I made a mistake once and typed it as "Saymore", it became clear to me that "say" and "more" must form obvious parts of my hero's second name. Hence Seymore. I mean, ha ha, right?


So there you have it: Qwerty Seymore. It's on most keyboards around the world, so it should be easy to remember. Need I say more? 


"Qwerty: The History" is now available here: 

Kindle (free for Kindle Unlimited)


Wednesday 11 November 2015

13 things you should know about Qwerty Seymore, just in case

Qwerty Seymore is the main character of the book: "Qwerty: The History" (available on Amazon and Kindle). Due to his arrival to the pages near you, I have prepared a list of 13 things you probably should know about him, just in case. Here goes:

Qwerty Seymore. Picture by Gino
1. Qwerty Seymore is a 13-year-old boy with the powers to destroy your entire city, and having a short temper. And not everyone is nice to him...

2. Qwerty's name is clearly inspired by the Qwerty keyboard, but no one quite knows why he was named that way.



3. His second name is Sean, but the boy doesn't like it much. His uncle Donald insists on using it.

4. Qwerty Seymore comes from an old English family with special skills and a fat family fortune. That does not exactly help him, though, especially that he has no access to the money until he's 18.

5.  Qwerty spent his early childhood in a small village of Corfe Castle. It is a picturesque place, tucked in between green hills near the seaside resort of Swanage. There are ruins of the Bankes' castle and most houses are built of grey stone.

Corfe Castle

6. Qwerty's uncle, Mr Donald Gibble, hates the boy and his face gets red like a tomato every time the man sees him. Qwerty returns the lack of affection.

Donald and Adela Gibble. Picture by Gino

7. His cousins, Sebastian and Dolores, are one year older than him. Sebastian likes watching football (that's soccer in American) and Dolores loves talking on the phone. They both tease him way too much.

Dolores Gibble Picture by Gino
Sebastian Gibble Picture by Gino

8. Qwerty quickly becomes good friends with Angelina Sandbanks. But he doesn't know she has her secrets, too.

Angelina Sandbanks Picture by Gino

9. Qwerty has powerful enemies, including Asqualor and mysterious Lex. He knows nothing about them, except one thing: they are dangerous and waiting for a chance to get him.

10. The only item Qwerty received from his uncle Matt is a small, leather-bound book entitled "The History", written in a weird code. A strange voice in his head tells him to read it. Or else.

Available on Amazon and Kindle

11. "The History" is written by David and Eveline Seymore. The boy is convinced these are the names of his parents. He knows nothing about them, as he was raised by his uncle Matt.

12. Soon it turns out that Qwerty's parents are alive. But they are not his parents anymore... (It gets a little complicated here...)

13. Qwerty now lives on Pilsdon Drive, no. 65, in Poole, Dorset, in England.

Real-life Pilsdon Drive (from Google Street View)